Most of this week, I was working probably about 13 hours a day. 8 am till 11:30 pm, with maybe a couple hours break to eat lunch and dinner. Thursday at around 4:30 pm, something in my brain must have snapped off, because work was suddenly no longer possible. That presentation I was supposed to finish the next morning? It had to wait. So what do you think I did next? That's right, I read every blog I could think of, and then some. I started with Dawn Eden who had a post on the Rolling Stones article "The Young and the Sexless". A very interesting read, and quite astonishing. The article's author is obviously astounded to learn that there are young people who choose to remain sexually pure. He seems to find the idea a bit baffling, and in one or two sentences makes the inevitable connection to right-wing politics (because of course, anyone who is a virgin by choice must agree with whatever the Republican party says) , but overall, I found the story to have a rather positive attitude toward abstinence. Based on what I'm used to hearing from secular sources about the matter, I was surprised.
After reading that article, however, I was far from done. The article mentioned a blogger, Anna Broadway of Sexless in the City. I decided to spend some time over there, perusing old posts and enjoying the refreshing, irreverent way she describes living (or at least attempting to live) a life of sexual purity.
A few people commenting on the above articles and posts have brought up a question of whether describing yourself so often as abstinent is really the proper thing to do. If you do this, aren't you just being rebellious against the current culture for the sake of being rebellious? Shouldn't you be concentrating on your relationship with Christ, rather than defining yourself by what you don't do? Although this may be true for some people, I would bet that for most us who freely describe ourselves as abstinent, including Anna B., this characterization is completely off. Defining ourselves by what they don't do? I don't think we're the ones that define ourselves that way. I mean sure, Anna Broadway's blog is called "Sexless in the City." It's attention-grabbing and funny. I would suspect, however, that there's more to Ms. Broadway than that.
For the secular world, those who choose not to have sex seem to have made a baffling and rather arbitrary decision. I can guarantee, if that's the way abstinence really was, it simply wouldn't work. Choosing not to have sex just because it's mainstream or because someone said that it was bad... that choice can't last too long. In order to remain sexually pure, a person must be convinced that premarital sex is harmful to both parties involved, and must have enough respect for him/herself and his/her "significant other" to choose not to harm either one. This type of respect comes only from a true knowledge of self-worth and the worth of others; it cannot come from simply avoiding sex.
This is something that the world does not understand and, from what I've seen, has no desire to understand. I remember before class a couple years ago, people were discussing the idea of abstinence-based sex ed., mostly talking about how terrible it is, it doesn't work, it's fear-based and anti-sex or some such thing. I tried sharing about my sex ed., which was very abstinence-based and very, as Dawn Eden said, "sex positive". Basically, as a Catholic school, we had the freedom to be not only abstinence-based, but more broadly chastity-based. And yes, we did learn about contraception, enough that we would be able to use it and know where to find it if we wanted to, but the point of this was primarily for information and never did it seem to me that they were condoning sex before marriage. Well, that's what I was going to tell them, but I didn't get passed my first sentence. I said, "You know, my school sex ed. was very abstinence-based, and they did a very good job of not just saying, 'don't have sex,' but of describing the reasons behind that decision." "Yeah," my instructor replied, "like, 'if you have sex before marriage you'll go to hell.'" So much for fostering an informative and open class environment.
I guess I shouldn't blame them, though, for not understanding where we're coming from on the issue of abstinence. Sure, the few times I've tried to explain it, it hasn't been too well received, but then there have only been a few times when I've really tried to explain it. That's partly because I often assume that I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to these subjects, but maybe that assumption is wrong. A couple months ago, one of my fellow grad students, Dancing Queen, told me, laughing, "I had a dream that you were against premarital sex." Interesting... "Are you sure it was just a dream?" I asked. Normally when I'm really surprised about something, I laugh, but I couldn't quite pull it off this time. Dancing Queen is a good friend of mine. We spend lots of time together, and I've certainly never tried to hide anything about my faith or moral values from her. I was completely shocked. I guess it's just something I thought everyone knew about me. So what I'm learning is, despite the fact that people may see it as "defining myself by a negative," maybe I should be more open about what I believe.
According to the article, one of the people interviewed describes abstinence as "a kind of rebellion, he says, against materialism, consumerism and 'the idea that anything can be bought and sold.'" Sex pervades our culture, and a message of chastity is necessary in order to keep our motives pure and our thinking straight. But as a speaker explained at a recent retreat that I went on, there's another idea, perhaps at times less blatant, that also pervades our culture. That is the idea of disposability. The idea of use. The idea that we can get what we want without having to accept the consequences of our actions or deal with their results. The obvious example the speaker pointed out was fast food. His actual words were something like fast, easy, and disposable. Like McDonald's. I thought of the cookie dough they make now with easy-to-break squares in the perfect size for all the benefit of homemade cookies and none of the time, work, or cleanup afterward. And with your plastic wrappers and paper cups, let someone else worry about what to do with the landfills. What comes next? Get rich quick! Lose weight fast! Plastic surgery is a nice way to look better quickly and easily. But after that, we begin to think we can easily dispose of other things. It quickly becomes more serious as we turn our actions to the use of people. Premarital sex, or any over-emphasis on the physicality of a relationship, can easily turn us to a belief that we're in the relationship for our own satisfaction, and that the other person is also in it for his own satisfaction. Such a belief cannot draw two people together in a way that will last. When the satisfaction and emotional aspects of love disappear, what's left? Try to get rid of that relationship, too, as painlessly as possible.
We should make sure we don't define ourselves by the negative, always striving instead to follow Christ's example in every relationship. Some people may be surprised to learn that our lives aren't about the sexual equivalent of cutting down as many trees as we can while not eating at McDonald's. However, we shouldn't be worried if the world doesn't understand. Like Jesus, we should expect and even hope to be made "a sign that will be contradicted," speaking out against the world, not for the sake of rebellion, but with an attitude of love.
Romans 12:2 - Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
on a rational mind, a caring heart, and the example of my father
For Mother's Day, I wrote that it is because of my mother that I am able to believe. I remember today that it is because of my father that I know what to believe. If my mother's example gave me the heart of my belief, my father's example provided its head. In a world that so often puts faith and reason as fundamentally opposed to each other, Papa showed me that the two must go hand in hand. With a (I hope) future in academia, it is important for me to be able to protect my faith against the intellectual attacks that come against it. You know the idea - faith is something irrational. People accept religion because they don't think about it. Atheism is the only rational point of view.
My father, I can assure you, thinks about his faith a good deal - a trait which he passed on to me. Our long philosophical discussions on faith and morality did more to shape my beliefs than anything else. Our discussions would have meant nothing, however, if I had not seen how these beliefs shaped his life. Papa is a doctor, and he takes his job very seriously - as a healer of the body, but also a healer of the soul. The kindness with which he treats each person, the way he can so clearly see that person's emotional as well as physical needs, has shown me that an intellectual faith does not need to be removed from the world, nor does it need to go through the world judging, but should be open to the world, showing what it has to offer and kindly helping as far as it has permission to help. My father's example has shown me that the head of a scientist and the heart of a Christian are not at odds with each other. I pray that I will be able to use them both at all times, just as he does - pondering my faith with a rational mind and carrying out my scientific work with love.
My father, I can assure you, thinks about his faith a good deal - a trait which he passed on to me. Our long philosophical discussions on faith and morality did more to shape my beliefs than anything else. Our discussions would have meant nothing, however, if I had not seen how these beliefs shaped his life. Papa is a doctor, and he takes his job very seriously - as a healer of the body, but also a healer of the soul. The kindness with which he treats each person, the way he can so clearly see that person's emotional as well as physical needs, has shown me that an intellectual faith does not need to be removed from the world, nor does it need to go through the world judging, but should be open to the world, showing what it has to offer and kindly helping as far as it has permission to help. My father's example has shown me that the head of a scientist and the heart of a Christian are not at odds with each other. I pray that I will be able to use them both at all times, just as he does - pondering my faith with a rational mind and carrying out my scientific work with love.
i've been tagged!
Thanks, Miss Sunny Tanya =)
1. Total number of books I own:
53 here in my little studio apartment with me. If you include everything on shelves and packed away in boxes at my parents' house? I couldn't begin to count...
Okay, time for a little tangent... My senior year of undergrad, I was in my advisor's office. My advisor was a fairly young professor, but still, probably at least in his mid-30s. He had a wife and a couple of kids, seemed pretty settled down. I noticed that he had a few boxes that weren't there before. He said, "Oh, my mom just shipped me the rest of my books from home." That'll be me in about 10 years =)
2. The last book I bought
Saint Thomas Aquinas and Saint Francis of Assisi by G. K. Chesterton. Bought on the advice of my dad.
3. The last book I read
The Grim Grotto: Book 11 of a Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. I love kids' books!
4. Five books that mean a lot to me
Lilith by George MacDonald - obviously
Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien - My favorite book(s) since the first time I read them in 6th or 7th grade
The Bible - "mean a lot" is an understatement here
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand - This book played an important role in shaping my outlook on life. 'Though not, I think, in the way that Ayn Rand intended.
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen - for my sister, my Marianne =)
5. Tag five other people, and have them do this on their blogs.
I don't think I know 5 other bloggers that haven't already been tagged. I'll tag a few people, and maybe they'll post this. If not, visit their blogs anyway because I like them.
I would be interested to hear what Amanda has to say.
I just discovered Pig Wot Flies today and don't know much about her, but anyone who likes Amelie and Garden State and has a post entitled "leptons and mesons and quarks, oh my!" must be pretty awesome.
And Masti Girl doesn't know I have a blog, so I'll have to get around to telling her one day so that she knows I tagged her.
1. Total number of books I own:
53 here in my little studio apartment with me. If you include everything on shelves and packed away in boxes at my parents' house? I couldn't begin to count...
Okay, time for a little tangent... My senior year of undergrad, I was in my advisor's office. My advisor was a fairly young professor, but still, probably at least in his mid-30s. He had a wife and a couple of kids, seemed pretty settled down. I noticed that he had a few boxes that weren't there before. He said, "Oh, my mom just shipped me the rest of my books from home." That'll be me in about 10 years =)
2. The last book I bought
Saint Thomas Aquinas and Saint Francis of Assisi by G. K. Chesterton. Bought on the advice of my dad.
3. The last book I read
The Grim Grotto: Book 11 of a Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. I love kids' books!
4. Five books that mean a lot to me
Lilith by George MacDonald - obviously
Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien - My favorite book(s) since the first time I read them in 6th or 7th grade
The Bible - "mean a lot" is an understatement here
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand - This book played an important role in shaping my outlook on life. 'Though not, I think, in the way that Ayn Rand intended.
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen - for my sister, my Marianne =)
5. Tag five other people, and have them do this on their blogs.
I don't think I know 5 other bloggers that haven't already been tagged. I'll tag a few people, and maybe they'll post this. If not, visit their blogs anyway because I like them.
I would be interested to hear what Amanda has to say.
I just discovered Pig Wot Flies today and don't know much about her, but anyone who likes Amelie and Garden State and has a post entitled "leptons and mesons and quarks, oh my!" must be pretty awesome.
And Masti Girl doesn't know I have a blog, so I'll have to get around to telling her one day so that she knows I tagged her.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
where i'm supposed to be
There's a way she knows is rightI just got Superchic[k]'s latest CD, Beauty from Pain. It's amazing! I know, the music is a little... teenybopper-ish... but I guess a bit of that is still a part of me. My insecurities and fears seem to have changed very little since junior high and high school, although thankfully, they are much less overwhelming than they once were. Superchic[k]'s lyrics are so straightforward, and such good reminders to me to keep going, to remember that God's hand is there is my life even when I don't see it.
She can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be
And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here
~"Suddenly" by Superchic[k]
They deal with a lot of difficult issues on this CD. The song "Courage" was written by one of the band members about her struggle to overcome anorexia. Having watched my best friend struggle with anorexia, I found this song especially meaningful. The song "Suddenly" and the title track, "Beauty from Pain", are also beautiful songs that speak powerfully to me.
At around the same time that I got this CD, I experienced the process that "Suddenly" speaks about - a process of searching, of trying to find myself and where I'm supposed to be only to find that I already am exactly where I'm supposed to be, and moreover, I'm at peace with that. It seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I always think that I need to go somewhere else, to do something new, in order to try and "find myself." Maybe that is what I need. But the search always brings me right back where I started. T. S. Eliot said that
We shall not cease from explorationBut I think that this exploration is more than a one time thing; there are little echoes of it throughout life. We search for some new meaning or purpose in our lives, only to end up where we were in the beginning, but this time we know it better than before, because this time it is our choice. It is no longer an accident.
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
from "Little Gidding"
When I left high school, I was leaving a close-knit Catholic community that had been my youth group, my school, and the source of every friend and acquaintance for the previous 13 years. I was going to a secular university four hours away from home, and at least three hours away from anyone else I knew. I had chosen this because I was tired of living in my completely Catholic world. I wanted to see more, to know that the decisions I made were my own, and not merely the accident of my upbringing. I was scared. I prayed that God would show me who He called me to be and give me the strength to face whatever might come my way. My youth minister told me, "You are who God called you to be." I thought he was crazy. "With all my faults and my shortcomings? I don't even know who I am, so how can I be who God called me to be?" It took me many years to realize that what my youth minister said was true. God doesn't expect us to be perfect immediately. He knows our faults and our failings. He expects us to be heading in the right direction. I realize now that no matter where we are in life, we are where we're supposed to be, because at that point in time, we have the ability to turn and face God. No matter where we are, we have the ability at that moment to make the right decision. I have resolved to stop worrying about whether I am where I'm supposed to be, and concentrate on whether I'm facing the right direction.
Monday, June 06, 2005
hard of hearing
From the first reading at church yesterday:
I went home and checked my email. Each day, I get a Spanish saying or quote sent to me. Yesterday's was, "En muchos casos hacemos por vanidad o por miedo, lo que haríamos por deber." "In many cases, we do out of vanity or fear what we ought to do because we should," a quote by Concepción Arenal, a Spanish sociologist. Rather appropriate, isn't it?
I didn't think too much about it. It seemed like a nice quote, though, so I put it up on my instant messenger profile. One of my friends saw it today and started talking to me about it, saying that it reminded him of a discussion we had at our young adults fellowship group a while back. We were talking about the line from the Our Father to "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Someone had said that we should forgive others because we want to be forgiven, but others had said that doesn't seem like the right reason to forgive someone. We shouldn't forgive simply because we are afraid of what would happen if we are not forgiven; we should forgive out of love for God and others. "Oh yeah!" I said, "I remember that conversation." Then I forgot about it again.
God knows I can be a little hard of hearing. I'm glad He doesn't give up! I was looking at Catholic Exchange and began reading "Religiosity or Holiness?":
It is not just religion where this realization is important. There are so many areas of our lives that can become overshadowed by the drudgery of sacrifice without love. In our friendships, we easily lose sight of the love we have for a person and become frustrated with his or her demands on our time or our behavior. In our work, we lose sight of why we chose this job in the first place. The vision that we had in the beginning slips away and we begin to wonder whether it will all be worth it. I think that what my friends said at our fellowship group was right. We can do things out of vanity or fear. It may even be a good start. But it isn't enough. If our good actions are to last, we must be doing them out of love.
Your piety is like a morning cloud,And then came Psalm 50:
like the dew that early passes away.
For this reason I smote them through the prophets,
I slew them by the words of my mouth;
for it is love that I desire, not sacrifice,
and knowledge of God rather than holocausts.
Hosea 6:4-6
Not for your sacrifices do I rebuke you,Then, in case you didn't catch it the first two times, the Gospel reading quotes Jesus saying:
for your holocausts are before me always...
Offer to God praise as your sacrifice
and fulfill your vows to the Most High...
Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.What's that, God? I didn't quite get that.
Go and learn the meaning of the words,
'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'
I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.
I went home and checked my email. Each day, I get a Spanish saying or quote sent to me. Yesterday's was, "En muchos casos hacemos por vanidad o por miedo, lo que haríamos por deber." "In many cases, we do out of vanity or fear what we ought to do because we should," a quote by Concepción Arenal, a Spanish sociologist. Rather appropriate, isn't it?
I didn't think too much about it. It seemed like a nice quote, though, so I put it up on my instant messenger profile. One of my friends saw it today and started talking to me about it, saying that it reminded him of a discussion we had at our young adults fellowship group a while back. We were talking about the line from the Our Father to "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Someone had said that we should forgive others because we want to be forgiven, but others had said that doesn't seem like the right reason to forgive someone. We shouldn't forgive simply because we are afraid of what would happen if we are not forgiven; we should forgive out of love for God and others. "Oh yeah!" I said, "I remember that conversation." Then I forgot about it again.
God knows I can be a little hard of hearing. I'm glad He doesn't give up! I was looking at Catholic Exchange and began reading "Religiosity or Holiness?":
[Original sin] introduces into our lives a tendency to disconnect the outward from the inward, so that outward acts, if we are not careful, become mechanical and devoid of meaning. In fact, they become dangerous, even treacherous. Because they are designed to express love, we are fooled into thinking that we have love for God and others because we do them, even when that love has grown cold. And then love of God becomes replaced by love of self, since we become very impressed by what we wrongly perceive to be our own holiness.Finally, I heard what He was saying! And what better way for Him to show me than this? I had been going through the motions, passively listening at church, recognizing truth in a saying I read but failing to ponder what that truth implies, reading articles on a Catholic website, and doing all of this out of vanity, believing that my actions would be enough although my heart was not in it.
It is not just religion where this realization is important. There are so many areas of our lives that can become overshadowed by the drudgery of sacrifice without love. In our friendships, we easily lose sight of the love we have for a person and become frustrated with his or her demands on our time or our behavior. In our work, we lose sight of why we chose this job in the first place. The vision that we had in the beginning slips away and we begin to wonder whether it will all be worth it. I think that what my friends said at our fellowship group was right. We can do things out of vanity or fear. It may even be a good start. But it isn't enough. If our good actions are to last, we must be doing them out of love.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
pride and the myth of self-reliance
Keith Plummer from The Christian Mind has a post linking to this opinion article from USA Today. It brings up some of the most extreme examples of ways to protect and boost a child's self-esteem including the Girl Scouts' "Uniquely ME!" program, a program that "asks girls to contemplate their own 'amazing' specialness." It's a bit disturbing, but also, perhaps, to be expected. When a culture has denied the possibility of a person's worth coming from God, what options are left? A person's worth may only come from his own abilities and characteristics, or simply from himself - a person defines his own worth.
But can anyone other than God truly define his own worth or give himself value? An object has worth because of the value placed on it from something outside itself. We know this from the saying, "One man's junk is another man's treasure." An object's attributes do not change, but its value changes based on the one who is contemplating the object. When a person attempts to define his own value as Girl Scouts is encouraging its members to do, that person is, in a sense, acting as God - the only being whose worth and value is contained wholly within himself. It is the first temptation, "you will be like gods," and if one makes this choice, he realizes that he is able to do whatever he chooses with no reference to anyone else; He has defined his own worth, so he is his own master. But this choice leads to insecurity, as each person knows that he may be able to convince himself of that worth, but he does not have the power to give himself that worth. It is an argument that he will have to convince himself of constantly.
The article in USA Today seems to set up this self-absorption in opposition to self-reliance, but the second option that I mentioned, a person finding his worth in his intelligence or some other attribute, can easily be disguised as self-reliance. This is an attitude that I think is prevalent in academia, where many people not only are very intelligent and very aware of that fact, but can easily fall into the trap of believing themselves to be better than others who are less intelligent. A person, in this case, would work hard to remain self-reliant, intelligent, and knowledgeable, but would as a result find less worth in those who do not have these characteristics.
Each side, the "self-esteem" side and the "self-reliance" side, is right to fight the other, but they are simply two sides of the same coin, while the best path is somewhere in between. When we realize that our worth comes from God, we can see that each person has that worth, regardless of his abilities or even his choices, but we also see that the abilities that we have come from God to be used according to His will.
I have found, however, that I so many times fall into the trap of the myth of self-reliance. It is so ingrained in our culture, so highly valued in the ideals of America and the self-made man that my natural tendency is always to attribute everything to myself. Over the past couple of weeks, by the grace of God, I have been able to let go of something, or more specifically someone, that has been on my mind lately. I came to realize that the fact that I was still chasing after him, convinced that if I tried hard enough I could make him fall in love with me, was only a sign of my own pride, not a sign of how much I cared for him. Somewhere along the line, my desire to be with him had stopped being about my regard for him and had turned into a question in my mind of whether I was good enough, pretty enough... simply a matter of pride. However, when someone asked me why I was no longer trying to pursue this guy, I turned my answer around; I said that if he was really interested, he would have noticed by now how I felt, and I wasn't going to waste my time with someone who wasn't "that into me." Instead of putting God where he belonged in the picture of changing my heart, I turned the issue into a matter of reaffirming my own self-reliance and pride.
Pride always has that tendency, though, to turn everything on its head and do whatever it takes to remove God from the picture so that we can be "like gods." It seeks to place us as gods so that our obligations are removed and we can rely on ourselves alone.
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In other news, Wittingshire is one of my favorite blogs to read. (If you're wondering, my other favorite is Dawn Eden.) Amanda and Jonathan always have such wonderful and intelligent things to say. Yesterday Amanda said that I write "smart and insightful prose." What a compliment, coming from her! I'm *blushing*. Funny thing to read just as I start to write a post on pride =)
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I just noticed the spellcheck that blogger.com provides. It doesn't recognize the word "blogs."
But can anyone other than God truly define his own worth or give himself value? An object has worth because of the value placed on it from something outside itself. We know this from the saying, "One man's junk is another man's treasure." An object's attributes do not change, but its value changes based on the one who is contemplating the object. When a person attempts to define his own value as Girl Scouts is encouraging its members to do, that person is, in a sense, acting as God - the only being whose worth and value is contained wholly within himself. It is the first temptation, "you will be like gods," and if one makes this choice, he realizes that he is able to do whatever he chooses with no reference to anyone else; He has defined his own worth, so he is his own master. But this choice leads to insecurity, as each person knows that he may be able to convince himself of that worth, but he does not have the power to give himself that worth. It is an argument that he will have to convince himself of constantly.
The article in USA Today seems to set up this self-absorption in opposition to self-reliance, but the second option that I mentioned, a person finding his worth in his intelligence or some other attribute, can easily be disguised as self-reliance. This is an attitude that I think is prevalent in academia, where many people not only are very intelligent and very aware of that fact, but can easily fall into the trap of believing themselves to be better than others who are less intelligent. A person, in this case, would work hard to remain self-reliant, intelligent, and knowledgeable, but would as a result find less worth in those who do not have these characteristics.
Each side, the "self-esteem" side and the "self-reliance" side, is right to fight the other, but they are simply two sides of the same coin, while the best path is somewhere in between. When we realize that our worth comes from God, we can see that each person has that worth, regardless of his abilities or even his choices, but we also see that the abilities that we have come from God to be used according to His will.
I have found, however, that I so many times fall into the trap of the myth of self-reliance. It is so ingrained in our culture, so highly valued in the ideals of America and the self-made man that my natural tendency is always to attribute everything to myself. Over the past couple of weeks, by the grace of God, I have been able to let go of something, or more specifically someone, that has been on my mind lately. I came to realize that the fact that I was still chasing after him, convinced that if I tried hard enough I could make him fall in love with me, was only a sign of my own pride, not a sign of how much I cared for him. Somewhere along the line, my desire to be with him had stopped being about my regard for him and had turned into a question in my mind of whether I was good enough, pretty enough... simply a matter of pride. However, when someone asked me why I was no longer trying to pursue this guy, I turned my answer around; I said that if he was really interested, he would have noticed by now how I felt, and I wasn't going to waste my time with someone who wasn't "that into me." Instead of putting God where he belonged in the picture of changing my heart, I turned the issue into a matter of reaffirming my own self-reliance and pride.
Pride always has that tendency, though, to turn everything on its head and do whatever it takes to remove God from the picture so that we can be "like gods." It seeks to place us as gods so that our obligations are removed and we can rely on ourselves alone.
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In other news, Wittingshire is one of my favorite blogs to read. (If you're wondering, my other favorite is Dawn Eden.) Amanda and Jonathan always have such wonderful and intelligent things to say. Yesterday Amanda said that I write "smart and insightful prose." What a compliment, coming from her! I'm *blushing*. Funny thing to read just as I start to write a post on pride =)
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I just noticed the spellcheck that blogger.com provides. It doesn't recognize the word "blogs."
Thursday, June 02, 2005
out of context
Taking things out of context can sometimes be dangerous. Taking someone's words or actions out of context, can lead to misinterpretations and can twist the facts. Sometimes, though, taking things out of context can provide clarity to things that are otherwise hidden from view.
Yesterday I was thinking about how I don't use my name for this blog - in fact, I don't use any of the things I usually use to identify myself. "I'm so-and-so; I've been in school X number of years; I do research in such-and-such; I work for Prof. Fulano; I go to church over there." Why don't I say any of this? Sure, I want to avoid stalkers, but it's more than that. All these ways that I describe myself are, well, the outer layer of my life. That's the part of me that everybody sees, the part of me that I operate in on a day to day basis. But sometimes I need to shed all of that so that I can see what else is there. I think that's where I was getting with my last post when I was talking about traveling. Going home helped me to discover some of the things I have been clinging to, simply because they weren't there for a few days.
I find this taking things out of context in other parts of my life as well. Why do I enjoy the science fiction/fantasy genre so much? I find that this genre, more than other types of fiction, can provide a clarity to they type of world that it presents, because the outer layers that we expect, the sound of the alarm clock every morning, our daily work - the patterns of modern human society as we know them - are taken away.
I think that Jesus and the authors of the New Testament understood this principle. Jesus often spoke in parables. Maybe it was just to trip people up - he wanted to make sure that only those who were smart enough to understand the hidden meanings could be his disciples. I think I did kind of have that fear when I was a child =) But parables are a beautiful way of demonstrating what you want to say in the context of human life, without all of the complications that would often get in the way. Last week, the gospel reading had the story of Jesus cursing the fig tree. Somehow that story always surprises me; Why does he curse the fig tree? Can't the fig tree just keep going on without fruit? On the other hand, does the curse really change anything? If the tree is already so sick that it is not producing fruit, it will eventually die. It cannot survive long like that. It would be impossible to point to a specific person and get the same point across, but we know that each person has things his life that are like that fig tree - they are all right on the surface, no one's complaing, but they're not bearing fruit. There's something wrong, and until the person submits to the attentions of the Gardener (pruning and all), that part of his life will begin to wither. I wonder, though, if it works the other way as well. We know some parts of us are sick, but if we do our best to bear fruit anyway, the effort, with the help of the gardener, will bring us back to health. It is only if we give up on ourselves and completely deny our Lord the chance to work in us that we will wither and die.
Yesterday I was thinking about how I don't use my name for this blog - in fact, I don't use any of the things I usually use to identify myself. "I'm so-and-so; I've been in school X number of years; I do research in such-and-such; I work for Prof. Fulano; I go to church over there." Why don't I say any of this? Sure, I want to avoid stalkers, but it's more than that. All these ways that I describe myself are, well, the outer layer of my life. That's the part of me that everybody sees, the part of me that I operate in on a day to day basis. But sometimes I need to shed all of that so that I can see what else is there. I think that's where I was getting with my last post when I was talking about traveling. Going home helped me to discover some of the things I have been clinging to, simply because they weren't there for a few days.
I find this taking things out of context in other parts of my life as well. Why do I enjoy the science fiction/fantasy genre so much? I find that this genre, more than other types of fiction, can provide a clarity to they type of world that it presents, because the outer layers that we expect, the sound of the alarm clock every morning, our daily work - the patterns of modern human society as we know them - are taken away.
I think that Jesus and the authors of the New Testament understood this principle. Jesus often spoke in parables. Maybe it was just to trip people up - he wanted to make sure that only those who were smart enough to understand the hidden meanings could be his disciples. I think I did kind of have that fear when I was a child =) But parables are a beautiful way of demonstrating what you want to say in the context of human life, without all of the complications that would often get in the way. Last week, the gospel reading had the story of Jesus cursing the fig tree. Somehow that story always surprises me; Why does he curse the fig tree? Can't the fig tree just keep going on without fruit? On the other hand, does the curse really change anything? If the tree is already so sick that it is not producing fruit, it will eventually die. It cannot survive long like that. It would be impossible to point to a specific person and get the same point across, but we know that each person has things his life that are like that fig tree - they are all right on the surface, no one's complaing, but they're not bearing fruit. There's something wrong, and until the person submits to the attentions of the Gardener (pruning and all), that part of his life will begin to wither. I wonder, though, if it works the other way as well. We know some parts of us are sick, but if we do our best to bear fruit anyway, the effort, with the help of the gardener, will bring us back to health. It is only if we give up on ourselves and completely deny our Lord the chance to work in us that we will wither and die.
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