Friday, March 24, 2006

truth cannot be contained in a field of daisies

I woke up yesterday seeking the truth, seeking an answer to my questions about love and relationship and a certain man in my life. What I found were smiles and laughter. I came seeking either acceptance or rejection, and left with neither.

I didn't get what I bargained for, but perhaps I received more. I took a step yesterday that my over-analytical self thought was completely obvious, was completely betraying my feelings. The boy, true to male form, had no clue. I didn't get an answer, but instead I obtained a promise of more time spent together and the hope of a deeper relationship. I came looking for simple answers, "He loves me... he loves me not...," and I found none of those. Instead, I found the hope of seeking a truth that is greater than simple answers.

There are two things that I think we tend to forget. The first is that the Lord is not an abstract omnipotent power, but a living person who we are called to be in a real and dynamic relationship with. Our friendship with Him can only grow gradually, with patience, as we spend time with Him and seek to do things that will draw us closer to Him. The second is that with the Lord as a perfect friend, our relationship with Him is a model and a guide for our friendships with others. We are called to treat every other person as another Christ, as the Lord living in our midst, and at the same time are called to humble ourselves and to serve, just as Christ humbled Himself to arrive on Earth as a baby born in a manger.

Two disciples of John the Baptist give us an example how we are to seek a relationship with our Lord. When John the Baptist points the Lord out to them, they follow Him, unworried about whether He will think them odd due to the fact that they are two complete strangers trailing after Him. They have seen something good and holy and are willing to risk embarrassment in order to follow. Once Jesus notices them behind him, he asks what they are seeking. Their answer is simple. They do not ask for miracles, for explanations, for mysteries to be solved and secrets to be revealed. They ask, "Where are you staying?" Their desire is to share life with him, to spend time and through experience come to know Him better.

And what is it that I am seeking? In my relationship with God, as in my relationship with this man, I should be seeking understanding rather than easy answers. I should be seeking to put my pride on the line, to take the risks that love requires. God has given me a chance of doing this for my friend. I simply pray that I will have the humility to take these risks and the trust to accept the outcome.

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